Crazy Eights

Film review by Thomas M. Sipos




Horror Film Aesthetics

Horror Film Festivals and Awards

Vampire Nation

Pentagon Possessed

Cost of Freedom

Manhattan Sharks

Halloween Candy

Hollywood Witches

Short Works




Film Festival Director

Editorial Services

Media Appearances

Horror Film Reviews



Horror Film Aesthetics

Communist Vampires

Horror Film Festivals and Awards



Business Satire

Nicolae Ceausescu

Commuist Vampires

Stalinist Zombies

L'Internationale Song




Crazy Eights (2006, dir: Jimi Jones, as James Koya Jones; cast: Dina Meyer, George Newbern, Traci Lords, Dan de Luca, Frank Whaley, Gabrielle Anwar)





Crazy Eights opens with some explanatory notes; something about medical experiments on children. I'm guessing these notes were added during post-production as an afterthought because the film is so confusing.

Without those notes, we would have no idea what's going on. With the notes, we can try to fill in some of the many blanks, so that the story sort of makes sense. Although even with the notes, I remained largely confused.

We begin with several people who gather at the home of a man who recently died. Who was this man? How are all these people related? Maybe I missed it, but the film doesn't explain.

But thanks to the helpful explanatory notes during the film's opening credits, I'm guessing it all has to do with those medical experiments on children.

It seems this dead guy left his estate to these people. Are these people related? Friends? I don't know. I can't be sure from their conversation. They sort of seem to know each other, though not very well. They certainly don't like one another.

These people go to another house, in search of clues. They are as mystified by events as are we, the audience.

The second house looks like a normal house on the outside, albeit really decrepit. It is, in fact, condemned to be demolished. But on the inside, the house looks like a big, concrete, institutional building. That sort of makes sense, because, we learn, this house is an abandoned hospital.


The problem is, the house looks like a normal, wood frame, residential house on the outside. And like a big, concrete and cinder block, hospital on the inside. So I'm guessing the filmmaker used different buildings for the exterior and interior shots, hoping that the audience wouldn't notice. Certainly, the characters don't notice. Granted, many horror film characters are really stupid, and these characters are confused as well as stupid.

The characters are also unpleasant. Like many badly written scripts, the writer tries to create "drama" by having the characters argue. Even if that means arguing over nothing, and for no good reason.


Anyway, the hospital is haunted, or cursed, or whatever. And the characters start getting killed in brutal fashion. Sometimes we even got to see it. Sometimes it happens off camera, and we only hear their screams. (Saves on the budget, I suppose.)

And then, after a bunch of people get killed, the film ends.

If you're buying this film because it features former porn actress Traci Lords, well, she doesn't show any skin. Just know that up front.

The DVD cover features the usual ripoff image of a ghost girl whose face is obscured by long, stringy black hair. Yes, The Ring and The Grudge were great films, but c'mon. Crazy Eights is no Ring or Grudge. It's not even as good as some of the lesser ripoffs. And I don't remember the ghost girl on the DVD cover having much onscreen time in Crazy Eights.


"Communist Vampires" and "" trademarks are currently unregistered, but pending registration upon need for protection against improper use. The idea of marketing these terms as a commodity is a protected idea under the Lanham Act. 15 U.S.C. s 1114(1) (1994) (defining a trademark infringement claim when the plaintiff has a registered mark); 15 U.S.C. s 1125(a) (1994) (defining an action for unfair competition in the context of trademark infringement when the plaintiff holds an unregistered mark).font>