Ring Around the Rose (2006, dir:
Rubi Zack; cast: Gina Philips, Tom Sizemore, Jenny Mollen,
Randall Batinkoff, Frances Bay, Marc Lynn, Hayley McFarland)
Ring Around the Rosie is no horror film. I suppose it's meant
to be a "suspense" film, but there's no suspense. Instead, Gina
Philips spends much time wandering about an old house that she'd
inherited, "seeing things." Flashbacks, or fantasies, or dreams,
or ghosts, or maybe she's going insane, or ... well, she'd spent
summers in the house as a child, so there are lots of "memories."
I guess we're supposed to be impressed with all these
possibilities and filled with suspense as we wonder, gee, who
knows what's going on? But I wasn't filled with suspense. I was
bored.
There's also an "erotic subtext." An ominous caretaker who has the
hots for Philips. When the caretaker makes his move on Philip's
sister, there's even some clichéd cross-cutting with scenes of
unruly horses. Ooooooo! -- what fierce passions lie just
beneath these characters' cool exteriors!
Boooring!
Okay, here's a spoiler warning (though not really, because I saw
it coming) ...
In the end we discover that ... it was all a dream!
You want more proof this film is bad? It's an hour and 23 minutes
(not including credits) -- but there are five credited
screenwriters. No wonder the script is so confused. Flashbacks,
fantasies, dreams, ghosts ... it's real, it's not real ... these
writers were all writing a different script.
Poor Gina Philips. She wanders about this film, looking confused
most of the time. No wonder. Not only is her character confused,
but this poor actress was still trying to figure out what this
script was about as she was filming it.
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